Dear Child-Free Friends

 

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“Even when you’re super inviting and tell us to bring the kids – “they’ll be fine, they can have spaghetti” – I’m just imagining my overtired kids with your spaghetti and wondering how fond you are of your carpet”

Dear child-free friends,

We love you guys. We need you in our lives.

We live vicariously through your Instagram pictures of wild parties, spontaneous adventures & expendable income. We appreciate you reminding us there is a world beyond our washing piles.

We love that you spoil our kids with your attention because your patience hasn’t been stretched paper thin.

But, just so you know – we don’t love it when you say: “haven’t seen you for ages – when are you guys coming to visit?” Because honestly, we’re probably not.

You should come to us. There, I said it.

It’s not just because we don’t want to prepare snacks, stock up on nappies, load the kids into the car and then try to ignore the whinging from the backseat so we don’t crash while playing a never ending game of “I spy”

It’s not even really about us, it’s about you.

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It’s about everything in your house at knee height not getting ransacked. It’s about your fabulous new couch not getting wee on it. It’s about us not having to feel anxious watching our kids jump around your dog because, we know he’s friendly, but we don’t know if he’s used to children pulling his tail.

It’s about us wanting to spend time with you and not having to get up every few minutes to chase our kids through your house while they inadvertently play “seek and destroy” with your irreplaceable souvenirs and all things breakable.

Come to our house. It’s already trashed.

The couch already has wee on it and all things breakable are kept up high.

The kids have worked out how far they can push the boundaries of our child proofing and can entertain themselves in their bedrooms while we have proper conversations in full grammatical sentences and you remind us that we are actual adults and not just “parents”.

It’s a win-win and we promise to return the favour when the tables are turned. By that stage we will even have kids old enough to mow your lawns and entertain your kids while you drink wine at 11am and we don’t judge you because, we get it.

We know you get sick of inviting us around and being rejected. We get sick of it too, but we can’t just come to dinner on a whim when you call at 6pm.

Do you know what my house looks like at dinner time? It’s best described as “there appears to have been a struggle.”

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Even when you’re super inviting and tell us to bring the kids – “they’ll be fine, they can have spaghetti” – I’m just imagining my overtired kids with your spaghetti and wondering how fond you are of your carpet.

If you don’t want to come to our house because of the pee on the couch, that’s cool, we understand. Child friendly cafes and fenced in playgrounds are good options too.

We probably won’t meet you at an art gallery, at busy cafes or wide open spaces.

Again, we would prefer to have a conversation with you, not have you looking at our backs all day while we run off to snatch a wayward child from the edge of the road.

Our time with you is precious and we want to make the most of it.

Alternatively, if you give us heaps of notice we will book in a babysitter and meet you anywhere you want without children because, we love that too

Sincerely –

All your friends with small children who still want to see you but don’t want to be resented for the stains on our carpet .

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