We are moving house.
In the 9 years since you were born, you and I have shared 13 different addresses.
We have lived with family, friends and on our own and every time we have moved, I have watched your expression change from disappointment to acceptance as you put on a brave face for my benefit.
Our moves were often due to circumstance, not choice, and you were always able to understand that. You never held it against me.
As our situations have changed over the years, we have had to adapt and I know it must be frustrating for you yet you never complain.
But I’ve felt guilty.
Im sorry I cant give you what I had, growing up.
I so wanted that for you.
I know you want to go back to the homeland and put down roots.
You know I want to give you a home, somewhere you can always come back to as you grow older to revisit your childhood. A fixed address.
I know you’re anxious about this move.
I know you’re worried about changing schools and making new friends.
I know you’re sick and tired of packing up and moving on and I know this time, in particular, you feel it.
It dosent make much sense that we are leaving this happy house for something unknown but I want you to know my boy – I am doing this for you.
To free your adventurous spirit.
To encourage you to dig and explore and connect with nature in which, you find so much joy.
Ever since you were little, you spoke of having space to run.
You wanted a cubby house and a tree to climb.
You have never cared for video games or the latest TV show and instead, have spent your days under the sun looking for adventure.
I always thought I had time to give you your home.
The one with the space and the trees.
I kept telling myself “I still have time” but suddenly, I dont.
Suddenly, you’re a bit older and I see you changing.
I see you spending a little more time indoors.
I see your imagination slowing down instead of running wild.
I see you growing up.
And I realised how much I want you to make the memories you always dreamed of making.
I realised I could no longer wait.
I know you think you are already grown but I know better.
So I found you a house.
With space to run.
And trees to climb.
And a cubby house.
And though we dont own it, we will make it ours for now.
And you and your brother can spend all your hours having adventures in your own back yard.
You dont have to grow up to quickly.
Lets make our home in this space and in years to come when you think back to your childhood I hope you will recall the good times we had here.
But I also want you to remember something, darling boy.
I want you to know it doesnt matter where I set up your bed, hang your clothes or keep your toys;
Your home is wherever I am.
It always has been.
Before I met my husband, before I had your brother;
I made a home for you in a place that is neither big or small but exists just for you and could never belong to anyone else.
I gave you life and I built this family around you.
You will never be homeless.
We are your walls and your roof and your roots.
I am your bricks and mortar.
Every choice I make is to benefit you in some way.
As your parents, we are designed to be your shelter, your protection & your security.
I don’t know where we will end up, I don’t know what corner of earth we will call ours or if our family will ever settle. But I do know that I will always be your home.
And it will always be there, whether you can see me or not.
Whether you have space to run or trees to climb, you will always be safe here with us.
You will always have this ❤